Learning is not a consolation prize

Dating is pretty hard. As is finding a girlfriend. Especially in New York. It's not as if I can go up to a counter somewhere and say, "I'd like to have a girlfriend, please," and they say, "do you have your paperwork, sir?" to which I nod, and then they bring me into the next room.

"Now this one is a pretty little number, with short brown hair, green eyes, and who likes to play video games.

This little girly over here is a blonde, has very nice teeth, and likes to watch movies.

And this one over here is a cute redhead, she's a free spirit with a terrific personality and loves the outdoors."

"Oh, wow," I reply, "all three sound great. There are qualities I love about each of them. Is there anyway I could kind of combine them into one super terrific match for me?"

To which the attendant would say, "I'm sorry, sir, it doesn't work like that."

So, I would leave, dejected, and think, "well, I guess I'll have to come back next week and try again."



It has been more than a little while since I've been in the company of a woman I could really feel comfortable with, and to that effect, there are only a small handful of women I've ever felt truly comfortable opening up to that aren't blood relatives of mine.

More than a year ago, I ended the one relationship I've had in my life, the one that so drastically changed my life. It changed me so much I had no idea how much it was changing me until it had already done so. I gave my heart, soul, and passion to a woman who I realistically could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with, if things had been different. But it got to a point where things could not continue the way things had been going, and one of the changes that sometimes happen in life had to take place.

It's not something I'm particularly proud of, nor something I enjoy talking about, but it was something I had to do. I don't regret it, though I wish a million times over I could take away the pain and discomfort that accompanied my actions.

The three years I was in that relationship added more to my life and was better than I could ever have imagined or asked for. But even great things must come to an end sometimes.

I have no regrets about that relationship, and even though I will probably never want it again, I would never have wished my life to have played out any other way than with that relationship. It meant so much so me and to her, and at the time, it was irreplaceable to both of us. The memories of it will go on forever, even though the relationship will not.

Not nearly enough could be said out of what is gained and what is lost when a relationship is over. Love is one of the most written about subjects it the history of the world, and it is one the most speculated, analyzed, and pored over subjects imaginable. It spawns the deepest of thought and the most poignant of observation. One thing that could be said of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, whether it lasts for three years or three seconds, is that a great many thing can be learned from it.

And learning is never a consolation prize.

Even though the ultimate goal may not have been achieved in this particular relationship, a lot of things came from it. Maybe new feelings were discovered about yourself that you never knew before. Maybe new ways of thinking were put into action. Maybe new life forms were created. Maybe you were introduced to some really cool music that you never would have stumbled upon otherwise.

Maybe the person you trusted took your metaphoric heart and ripped it right out from your chest. Maybe the person you loved gave you thicker skin or a new will to live. Maybe your lover stole all your prized possessions in the middle of the night. Maybe you came away from it with an incurable disease.

Be it positive or negative, every action produces a result, and a learning experience goes along with it. And learning is not a consolation prize.

It's not a prize at all. It's not something you can take away from a relationship and put on a shelf and say, "look what I got!"

But it is not second to a greater prize, either. If the grand prize is not there to obtain, then in all likelihood there was no grand prize to begin with.

Learning, though, is something there is always room for. It builds. It compiles. It gains interest.

And in the future you use that learning to ask more questions, to make smarter decisions, to avoid mistakes and pitfalls. If you used it to your advantage, eventually you will find that your learning paid off, and that grand prize is well within your reach.