Fear of the Unknown
It is funny that people often make connections with one another without knowing that much about each other.
You could meet a person and get along with him/her so great and gab endlessly with fluid communication. Some people you meet and it feels as if you've known them their entire lives. You meet people like that. And from that moment on, you only really concern yourself with the future. Maybe you look forward to seeing these people again. They might even look forward to seeing you. That initial trust is there.
The trust is unspoken and it is a social aspect of human interaction. What makes two people like each other at first is based on the fact that each person finds at least something in common with the other, and that, in turn, he or she must at least be a decent individual. This trust is furthered into getting to know a person. It could lead to a very meaningful relationship. It could also lead to disaster. But it is that initial hunch that gives people the idea of whether they want to explore this person further or not.
It might come as a shock later on to realize about a person that, although you get along very well with this individual and have had meaningful, enjoyable experiences with one another, that you don't actually know each other at all. You might say to yourself, "Wait! I don't know anything about this person!" Then there is that. This person might have a giant secret that he or she is hiding, and you don't want to go any further without finding out as much as you can up front. You don't want to doubt yourself, but that initial hunch you had could end up being wrong.
Trusting somebody is a big investment to make. Like all investments, it could end up biting you in the end.
One of my flaws is that I am far too trusting of people. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. This doesn't always work out for me when it ends up that these people are just trying to take advantage of me. I've been taken a few times in my day, and my good nature must be a feature easily-spotted by crooks, because it seems like I get targeted more than most people I know.
Recently, in my neighborhood, there has been a gentleman who has harassed me three separate times in the past two weeks. It is starting to get annoying. He has a spiel that he plays on me each time, but his approach is not unlike others I have witnessed. His story is that he moved from New Orleans, lost his wife two days before Christmas, and now has a baby girl to take care of. While his story could be true (I've certainly witnessed enough hardship in my own life not to doubt it entirely), it also seems like a story such as this could be easily contrived by a man in his position.
The first time he caught me I was on my way to induct the new year and I was decked out in my finest threads, sorrowed and pitiful on the event of a high holiday, so I was surely in a position to give. He came at me from behind, while I was on my way ducking into the Subway, banked on my politeness to stop, and told me his story. I ended up giving him a dollar, to expedite my departure, which I felt was a reasonable stipend given his story, real or fake, being that it was New Year's Eve, and the fact that I was about to go eat a free dinner.
The second time he flagged me down, I was with a friend of mine, it was in the middle of the day, and I quickly recognized him and shrugged him off, citing my recognition of his lies (he previously told me he wasn't asking for money and then proceeded to ask for money).
The third time, though, he once again approached me from behind and away, drawing my attention away from my earphones by politely saying, "Excuse me!" Sometimes people will do this to let you know you dropped something or to ask for directions. But this guy is somehow drawn to me and has not given up on me yet. He keeps asking me to go with him to buy a can of milk for his daughter. I entertained him long enough to make myself ultra-uncomfortable, consciously aware of what was going on around me, making sure I was not slowly getting surrounded by thugs or pick-pocketed by a number two man, but I did not fulfill his request. I do not even know where one gets a can of milk, but apparently, he would had shown me the way if I wanted to follow him.
If I had followed him and ended up getting jumped, he would have found out, that despite my outward appearance, I am not worth very much. I have very little cash on my most of the time, two credit cards that are very near their spending limit, and a checking account that is consistently on the verge of bankruptcy. While I do have some savings, that kind of money is not accessible by anything in my wallet, but only by being me. So, as a result of anybody robbing me, they would really not be helping themselves to much, but more so just making my next week or two terribly inconvenient. They might get the satisfaction of beating me up, but there is no way to tell by looking at me what kind of fight I would put up, which I tend to think would be a pretty good one, unless I was shivved or something.
I could be wrong about this guy. It could end up that he might have been the sweetest guy in the world, and was just down on his luck. And trying to buy baby formula. I could run into him again and trust him enough to help him out, find out his story is absolutely true, and then maybe help him turn his life around. On the flip side, he could end up trusting me and then wind up finding out that I actually prey on people who ask me for favors, and will later be deemed by the newspapers as "the Good Samaritan Serial Killer."
The point of the matter is that one goes through life and meets all sorts of people. But one is never going to be successful in learning about people until one is ready to take risks, make mistakes, learn from them, and take risks again.
You could meet a person and get along with him/her so great and gab endlessly with fluid communication. Some people you meet and it feels as if you've known them their entire lives. You meet people like that. And from that moment on, you only really concern yourself with the future. Maybe you look forward to seeing these people again. They might even look forward to seeing you. That initial trust is there.
The trust is unspoken and it is a social aspect of human interaction. What makes two people like each other at first is based on the fact that each person finds at least something in common with the other, and that, in turn, he or she must at least be a decent individual. This trust is furthered into getting to know a person. It could lead to a very meaningful relationship. It could also lead to disaster. But it is that initial hunch that gives people the idea of whether they want to explore this person further or not.
It might come as a shock later on to realize about a person that, although you get along very well with this individual and have had meaningful, enjoyable experiences with one another, that you don't actually know each other at all. You might say to yourself, "Wait! I don't know anything about this person!" Then there is that. This person might have a giant secret that he or she is hiding, and you don't want to go any further without finding out as much as you can up front. You don't want to doubt yourself, but that initial hunch you had could end up being wrong.
Trusting somebody is a big investment to make. Like all investments, it could end up biting you in the end.
One of my flaws is that I am far too trusting of people. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. This doesn't always work out for me when it ends up that these people are just trying to take advantage of me. I've been taken a few times in my day, and my good nature must be a feature easily-spotted by crooks, because it seems like I get targeted more than most people I know.
Recently, in my neighborhood, there has been a gentleman who has harassed me three separate times in the past two weeks. It is starting to get annoying. He has a spiel that he plays on me each time, but his approach is not unlike others I have witnessed. His story is that he moved from New Orleans, lost his wife two days before Christmas, and now has a baby girl to take care of. While his story could be true (I've certainly witnessed enough hardship in my own life not to doubt it entirely), it also seems like a story such as this could be easily contrived by a man in his position.
The first time he caught me I was on my way to induct the new year and I was decked out in my finest threads, sorrowed and pitiful on the event of a high holiday, so I was surely in a position to give. He came at me from behind, while I was on my way ducking into the Subway, banked on my politeness to stop, and told me his story. I ended up giving him a dollar, to expedite my departure, which I felt was a reasonable stipend given his story, real or fake, being that it was New Year's Eve, and the fact that I was about to go eat a free dinner.
The second time he flagged me down, I was with a friend of mine, it was in the middle of the day, and I quickly recognized him and shrugged him off, citing my recognition of his lies (he previously told me he wasn't asking for money and then proceeded to ask for money).
The third time, though, he once again approached me from behind and away, drawing my attention away from my earphones by politely saying, "Excuse me!" Sometimes people will do this to let you know you dropped something or to ask for directions. But this guy is somehow drawn to me and has not given up on me yet. He keeps asking me to go with him to buy a can of milk for his daughter. I entertained him long enough to make myself ultra-uncomfortable, consciously aware of what was going on around me, making sure I was not slowly getting surrounded by thugs or pick-pocketed by a number two man, but I did not fulfill his request. I do not even know where one gets a can of milk, but apparently, he would had shown me the way if I wanted to follow him.
If I had followed him and ended up getting jumped, he would have found out, that despite my outward appearance, I am not worth very much. I have very little cash on my most of the time, two credit cards that are very near their spending limit, and a checking account that is consistently on the verge of bankruptcy. While I do have some savings, that kind of money is not accessible by anything in my wallet, but only by being me. So, as a result of anybody robbing me, they would really not be helping themselves to much, but more so just making my next week or two terribly inconvenient. They might get the satisfaction of beating me up, but there is no way to tell by looking at me what kind of fight I would put up, which I tend to think would be a pretty good one, unless I was shivved or something.
I could be wrong about this guy. It could end up that he might have been the sweetest guy in the world, and was just down on his luck. And trying to buy baby formula. I could run into him again and trust him enough to help him out, find out his story is absolutely true, and then maybe help him turn his life around. On the flip side, he could end up trusting me and then wind up finding out that I actually prey on people who ask me for favors, and will later be deemed by the newspapers as "the Good Samaritan Serial Killer."
The point of the matter is that one goes through life and meets all sorts of people. But one is never going to be successful in learning about people until one is ready to take risks, make mistakes, learn from them, and take risks again.
posted by Leland J. Fischer at 1:34 AM
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