A Few People I'd Like to Strangle
Everyone who goes through life experiences certain people who just bug them completely, and they cannot think about anything else except how these people bother them. Well, just like everybody else, I have a few people in mind who really bother me, and not just a little bit. I'd like to take this time to name and describe them a little bit.
Some of them are specific individuals, while some of them are a general collective of people. If while you are reading this find that you, yourself, fit into any one of these behavioral categories, I feel sorry for you. I also ask that as long as you might be around me, you alter your behavior just a little bit to avoid suffering the fate of what I would ultimately like to do to this groups of people.
All of these people fit into the category of people I'd like to strangle. But strangle, in this scenario, is really subjective to me, because, it might occur at a certain period of time in my frustration that I might want to do more than just strangle these people, such as maim, stab, or punch. But it's all in good fun, and it's for the principle of the matter.
The people I'd like to strangle are as follows:
1. People who think cell phones are the end all, be all of human existence. People who cannot go anywhere without talking to somebody on their cell phones. These people need to realize that life is not going to stop suddenly if they don't answer their cell phones. Cell phones should not be answered if the person being called is in a contained space with a group of people, in a queue, in any public restroom. If one is in a contained space where other people might be going about their otherwise normal business, one should excuse oneself in order to take the call. If one cannot excuse oneself, then one should wait until later to get back to the person who'd call was just missed. That's why the answering machine was invented.
The worst people are the ones who stop everything to answer a call. This is when my fists are clenched and my teeth are gritted. Never, under any circumstances, should a person who is walking down stairs stop to answer the phone when there are people behind said person who are counting on the momentum of the person in front of them to continue walking down stairs. You are putting other people' s lives in danger when you do this! For the sake of a phone call. It's not that important.
The only thing more important than people who answer their cell phones whenever they want is the ridiculous and overly obnoxious ringtones that sound off at these inconvenient times. It doesn't matter what song it is, the cell phone ring is obnoxious when it comes at a time of intended silence. The cell phone has a silent feature. Use it.
2. People who have umbrellas in New York do not seem to realize that they carry in their hands a deadly weapon. More than that they don't seem to realize the confines of personal space and how to carry an umbrella. When carrying an open umbrella, people don't seem to realize that there are at least sixteen spikes lining the outside edge of the umbrella in all directions. That is a possibility to poke out at least sixteen eyes at a time. When walking through a crowd of people on a rainy day, I can usually be seen ducking around like Groucho Marx trying to avoid such a calamity. When carrying a closed umbrella, irresponsible people often carry them at their sides perpendicular to their bodies, with the pointed end to the rear, out of view. So when they are walking around, they are essentially swinging a blunt spear to and fro, which usually lines up right around my crotch, and if I'm not paying attention while trying to pass by a person doing this, I am probably going to lose something very dear to me. These people with umbrellas need to stopped. It is understandable not to want to get wet, especially when wearing nice clothing, but a little responsibility must be practiced when taking on a luxury such as an umbrella.
3. There is a woman of oriental descent from some eastern nation, China, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, I'm not sure which, who sits on a stool in the subway tunnel that links the bus terminal and the Times Square subway station. Everyday, when I lived in New Jersey and went to work at the Strand, I would have to traverse this tunnel to get from the bus to my train, and everyday, I would pass by this woman, who would just be sitting there on her stool with a cup of change in her hand, shaking it pitifully. Everyday she was there. Everyday she sat, holding her cup out. She did nothing else. And people gave her money. Everyday I passed her by, and nearly everyday, I was some sap bend over and put some money in her cup. She didn't even do anything. At least these other guys are in here playing the accordion, playing a pan flute, preaching, or something. But all she did was sat there, and it bugged the heck out of me. By now she's probably done pretty well for herself. She probably has enough money to put some away in an interest-earning savings account or an IRA or something. I just don't see the point.
4. People on the bus or the airplane who sit in front of me who think it is absolutely necessary to recline their chairs need to be strangled. I understand comfort. I want to be comfortable, too. But on a crowded bus or airplane, the extra three inches gained by reclining one's seat is not that important, and it is not going to change much. None of us have room to spare. You don't need to invade mine just so you can get to sleep easier. Don't be surprised if your head gets smothered by a tiny pillow as it moves closer to my hands.
5. The next group of people don't really make me want to strangle them, but they do make me uneasy, frustrated, and bitterly jealous. These people include those who are my age or younger and are more successful than I am at the moment. I really can't stand how much money these kids make and how much easier their lives are. They are just as smart as me and have done just as much in their lives as I have, yet they somehow have gotten the better road. I don't understand it, and it makes me just that much more frustrated.
6. The worst category of people I can think of on this great planet of ours is the category of people who litter. Every time I see trash on the ground, especially if actually witness somebody leaving it there, I want to pick it up and shove it down the throat of whoever left it there. There is nothing I can think of that is so easy to take care of and is such a worthless display of human quality than litter. People who litter deserve to be beaten. It seems like such a little complaint, but the behavior of littering is a gateway into the human psyche, and I'll bet that the attitude of not caring about what is left behind, not caring about the consequences of individual actions is the cause of more than half the problems in the world. Littering is disgusting. It is so easy to avoid, and yet, it constantly surrounds us.
7. The last person on my list of people I'd like to strangle is Michael Jackson. I go back and forth between hatred and loathing for Michael Jackson. While I don't think it's fair to hate any one person whole-heartedly, I do think it's fair to hate Michael Jackson. He has never done anything to me personally, but the media-driven stunts he has pulled since the passing of his career in popular music has turned the rest of the world against him, and rightfully so. Everything he has done for the sake of attention, rumored or not, is despicable. If that weren't enough, he owns the rights to the Beatles' catalog, a most hallowed collection of music. It is a crying shame that Michael Jackson is still such a force in popular culture, and I wish I didn't have to hear about him ever again.
There it is. I hope nobody was offended. If they were, I am entitled to my opinion, knowing full well that I probably do things that bother people as well. We're all human. And we all make mistakes. But the important thing to remember is that we're all in this together.
Some of them are specific individuals, while some of them are a general collective of people. If while you are reading this find that you, yourself, fit into any one of these behavioral categories, I feel sorry for you. I also ask that as long as you might be around me, you alter your behavior just a little bit to avoid suffering the fate of what I would ultimately like to do to this groups of people.
All of these people fit into the category of people I'd like to strangle. But strangle, in this scenario, is really subjective to me, because, it might occur at a certain period of time in my frustration that I might want to do more than just strangle these people, such as maim, stab, or punch. But it's all in good fun, and it's for the principle of the matter.
The people I'd like to strangle are as follows:
1. People who think cell phones are the end all, be all of human existence. People who cannot go anywhere without talking to somebody on their cell phones. These people need to realize that life is not going to stop suddenly if they don't answer their cell phones. Cell phones should not be answered if the person being called is in a contained space with a group of people, in a queue, in any public restroom. If one is in a contained space where other people might be going about their otherwise normal business, one should excuse oneself in order to take the call. If one cannot excuse oneself, then one should wait until later to get back to the person who'd call was just missed. That's why the answering machine was invented.
The worst people are the ones who stop everything to answer a call. This is when my fists are clenched and my teeth are gritted. Never, under any circumstances, should a person who is walking down stairs stop to answer the phone when there are people behind said person who are counting on the momentum of the person in front of them to continue walking down stairs. You are putting other people' s lives in danger when you do this! For the sake of a phone call. It's not that important.
The only thing more important than people who answer their cell phones whenever they want is the ridiculous and overly obnoxious ringtones that sound off at these inconvenient times. It doesn't matter what song it is, the cell phone ring is obnoxious when it comes at a time of intended silence. The cell phone has a silent feature. Use it.
2. People who have umbrellas in New York do not seem to realize that they carry in their hands a deadly weapon. More than that they don't seem to realize the confines of personal space and how to carry an umbrella. When carrying an open umbrella, people don't seem to realize that there are at least sixteen spikes lining the outside edge of the umbrella in all directions. That is a possibility to poke out at least sixteen eyes at a time. When walking through a crowd of people on a rainy day, I can usually be seen ducking around like Groucho Marx trying to avoid such a calamity. When carrying a closed umbrella, irresponsible people often carry them at their sides perpendicular to their bodies, with the pointed end to the rear, out of view. So when they are walking around, they are essentially swinging a blunt spear to and fro, which usually lines up right around my crotch, and if I'm not paying attention while trying to pass by a person doing this, I am probably going to lose something very dear to me. These people with umbrellas need to stopped. It is understandable not to want to get wet, especially when wearing nice clothing, but a little responsibility must be practiced when taking on a luxury such as an umbrella.
3. There is a woman of oriental descent from some eastern nation, China, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, I'm not sure which, who sits on a stool in the subway tunnel that links the bus terminal and the Times Square subway station. Everyday, when I lived in New Jersey and went to work at the Strand, I would have to traverse this tunnel to get from the bus to my train, and everyday, I would pass by this woman, who would just be sitting there on her stool with a cup of change in her hand, shaking it pitifully. Everyday she was there. Everyday she sat, holding her cup out. She did nothing else. And people gave her money. Everyday I passed her by, and nearly everyday, I was some sap bend over and put some money in her cup. She didn't even do anything. At least these other guys are in here playing the accordion, playing a pan flute, preaching, or something. But all she did was sat there, and it bugged the heck out of me. By now she's probably done pretty well for herself. She probably has enough money to put some away in an interest-earning savings account or an IRA or something. I just don't see the point.
4. People on the bus or the airplane who sit in front of me who think it is absolutely necessary to recline their chairs need to be strangled. I understand comfort. I want to be comfortable, too. But on a crowded bus or airplane, the extra three inches gained by reclining one's seat is not that important, and it is not going to change much. None of us have room to spare. You don't need to invade mine just so you can get to sleep easier. Don't be surprised if your head gets smothered by a tiny pillow as it moves closer to my hands.
5. The next group of people don't really make me want to strangle them, but they do make me uneasy, frustrated, and bitterly jealous. These people include those who are my age or younger and are more successful than I am at the moment. I really can't stand how much money these kids make and how much easier their lives are. They are just as smart as me and have done just as much in their lives as I have, yet they somehow have gotten the better road. I don't understand it, and it makes me just that much more frustrated.
6. The worst category of people I can think of on this great planet of ours is the category of people who litter. Every time I see trash on the ground, especially if actually witness somebody leaving it there, I want to pick it up and shove it down the throat of whoever left it there. There is nothing I can think of that is so easy to take care of and is such a worthless display of human quality than litter. People who litter deserve to be beaten. It seems like such a little complaint, but the behavior of littering is a gateway into the human psyche, and I'll bet that the attitude of not caring about what is left behind, not caring about the consequences of individual actions is the cause of more than half the problems in the world. Littering is disgusting. It is so easy to avoid, and yet, it constantly surrounds us.
7. The last person on my list of people I'd like to strangle is Michael Jackson. I go back and forth between hatred and loathing for Michael Jackson. While I don't think it's fair to hate any one person whole-heartedly, I do think it's fair to hate Michael Jackson. He has never done anything to me personally, but the media-driven stunts he has pulled since the passing of his career in popular music has turned the rest of the world against him, and rightfully so. Everything he has done for the sake of attention, rumored or not, is despicable. If that weren't enough, he owns the rights to the Beatles' catalog, a most hallowed collection of music. It is a crying shame that Michael Jackson is still such a force in popular culture, and I wish I didn't have to hear about him ever again.
There it is. I hope nobody was offended. If they were, I am entitled to my opinion, knowing full well that I probably do things that bother people as well. We're all human. And we all make mistakes. But the important thing to remember is that we're all in this together.
posted by Leland J. Fischer at 9:25 PM
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