Beyond Reality
A few weeks ago, in a desperate attempt to find more money, I applied for an American Express Card. Much to my surprise, I was approved. So now I have a veritable opportunity to go a great deal into debt. Although I'm pretty sure I won't (I'm more responsible than people think I am), I have been on a spending spree ever since I received and activated it.
I love saying, "Do you take American Express?" A lot of places don't, and so I feel kind of exclusive. The reason I wanted one so bad is because there are a lot of places in New York, actually, that only take American Express, which was quite unexpected since I've been told my whole life that VISA is everywhere I want to be.
I have a much larger credit line on my American Express card than I do on my other card, though it's still not enough to let me go crazy, which is definitely a good thing. I am a little bit more grown up with two major credit cards, and I am responsible enough to handle my own finances and credit situation.
The purchases I've been recently making were justified in my mind, and I would never buy anything that I could not afford to pay off in a reasonable amount of time. It just so happens that my recent expansion of credit allows me to return home in a few weeks time, and stop by Lollapalooza on the way. In the meantime, though, I've been doing my share to pitch in with New York's booming economy.
Being in New York, I feel like such a loser if I don't buy something everyday. I need a cup of coffee, a pack of gum, something! If there is nothing else to do in this town, there is always an opportunity to spend money.
Today, I took my spendthrift ways to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, to investigate curtains for my new apartment, which happens to be very sunny during the day. First of all, in New York, the Beyond section stands for a cafe. That's what beyond means here. There is always room for a coffee shop in the stores here. This massive domestic warehouse definitely went beyond my expectations in more ways than one.
The store is enormous. Every conceivable kitchen, closet, bathroom accessory is hanging on the walls or stacked to the ceiling. I expected it to be a little smaller, being in the ground floor of a skyscraper, but Chelsea says "NO!" They say, "we want a shrine devoted to our bedrooms, bathrooms, and kitchens!"
After wandering around in awe for awhile, I was instructed that the window treatments were downstairs. I had never shopped for curtains before, so it took me a while, and I needed help. The staff was surprisingly friendly, and I ended up settling for some very classy brushed nickel curtain rods that happened to be on clearance.
Bargain!
Anyway, what amazed me, was that after I purchased the rods with no curtains (one step at a time), I inquired as to whether or not they would be able to send me on my way with some kind of method to carry these cumbersome and oblong packages around the city with me. Living in New York involves a lot of carrying. It's not as simple as I can just carry these out to the parking lot and toss them in the back of my Honda Civic. No. When I make a purchase in the city, a lot of thought goes into it; mostly, 'how am I going to get this home?' or 'how much is this going to suck carrying this all the way back home?'
The good news is that the people at Bed, Bath, and Beyond have already anticipated this. Positioned at the exit doors at two men with an assortment of tools ready to help you get your recently-purchased items home without much of an ordeal. When I presented one of them with my long cylindrical packages, the good man went right to work. First, he plastic wrapped the two packages together, to become something of a singular object. Afterwards, he inquired if I wanted a handle to carry it by. I confirmed this notion. Then I stood speechless as he placed the curtain rods under the arm of a machine that somehow tied four pieces of string around them. All the guy did was step on a pedal on the floor. Then he pulled out a box of small plastic handles with metal clips that attached to the strings. He affixed two handles to the string and handed me back my packages, sending me on my way. It was unreal! It was beyond belief!
I was so amazed by this procedure that I had to tell somebody right away.
The guy walking his dog didn't seem too impressed. Oh well, I got my jollies out.
Ahead of me now was the manly task of putting up curtains in my living room. I don't know how that was ever dubbed a woman's job. It was way harder than anything I would have wanted to do. It involved getting up on a ladder, moving furniture around, and dealing with wily screws and walls. It is done now, and I feel much better for having done it, but now I have to really concentrate and pick out decent looking curtains that everybody can be happy with.
My taking care of the apartment has been a lot like Donna Reed's character in It's a Wonderful Life. While the boys are at the office all day, I'm doing things like hanging up posters, changing the direction of the refrigerator, and picking out curtains. Very manly indeed.
I'm going to make a great housewife someday.
I love saying, "Do you take American Express?" A lot of places don't, and so I feel kind of exclusive. The reason I wanted one so bad is because there are a lot of places in New York, actually, that only take American Express, which was quite unexpected since I've been told my whole life that VISA is everywhere I want to be.
I have a much larger credit line on my American Express card than I do on my other card, though it's still not enough to let me go crazy, which is definitely a good thing. I am a little bit more grown up with two major credit cards, and I am responsible enough to handle my own finances and credit situation.
The purchases I've been recently making were justified in my mind, and I would never buy anything that I could not afford to pay off in a reasonable amount of time. It just so happens that my recent expansion of credit allows me to return home in a few weeks time, and stop by Lollapalooza on the way. In the meantime, though, I've been doing my share to pitch in with New York's booming economy.
Being in New York, I feel like such a loser if I don't buy something everyday. I need a cup of coffee, a pack of gum, something! If there is nothing else to do in this town, there is always an opportunity to spend money.
Today, I took my spendthrift ways to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, to investigate curtains for my new apartment, which happens to be very sunny during the day. First of all, in New York, the Beyond section stands for a cafe. That's what beyond means here. There is always room for a coffee shop in the stores here. This massive domestic warehouse definitely went beyond my expectations in more ways than one.
The store is enormous. Every conceivable kitchen, closet, bathroom accessory is hanging on the walls or stacked to the ceiling. I expected it to be a little smaller, being in the ground floor of a skyscraper, but Chelsea says "NO!" They say, "we want a shrine devoted to our bedrooms, bathrooms, and kitchens!"
After wandering around in awe for awhile, I was instructed that the window treatments were downstairs. I had never shopped for curtains before, so it took me a while, and I needed help. The staff was surprisingly friendly, and I ended up settling for some very classy brushed nickel curtain rods that happened to be on clearance.
Bargain!
Anyway, what amazed me, was that after I purchased the rods with no curtains (one step at a time), I inquired as to whether or not they would be able to send me on my way with some kind of method to carry these cumbersome and oblong packages around the city with me. Living in New York involves a lot of carrying. It's not as simple as I can just carry these out to the parking lot and toss them in the back of my Honda Civic. No. When I make a purchase in the city, a lot of thought goes into it; mostly, 'how am I going to get this home?' or 'how much is this going to suck carrying this all the way back home?'
The good news is that the people at Bed, Bath, and Beyond have already anticipated this. Positioned at the exit doors at two men with an assortment of tools ready to help you get your recently-purchased items home without much of an ordeal. When I presented one of them with my long cylindrical packages, the good man went right to work. First, he plastic wrapped the two packages together, to become something of a singular object. Afterwards, he inquired if I wanted a handle to carry it by. I confirmed this notion. Then I stood speechless as he placed the curtain rods under the arm of a machine that somehow tied four pieces of string around them. All the guy did was step on a pedal on the floor. Then he pulled out a box of small plastic handles with metal clips that attached to the strings. He affixed two handles to the string and handed me back my packages, sending me on my way. It was unreal! It was beyond belief!
I was so amazed by this procedure that I had to tell somebody right away.
The guy walking his dog didn't seem too impressed. Oh well, I got my jollies out.
Ahead of me now was the manly task of putting up curtains in my living room. I don't know how that was ever dubbed a woman's job. It was way harder than anything I would have wanted to do. It involved getting up on a ladder, moving furniture around, and dealing with wily screws and walls. It is done now, and I feel much better for having done it, but now I have to really concentrate and pick out decent looking curtains that everybody can be happy with.
My taking care of the apartment has been a lot like Donna Reed's character in It's a Wonderful Life. While the boys are at the office all day, I'm doing things like hanging up posters, changing the direction of the refrigerator, and picking out curtains. Very manly indeed.
I'm going to make a great housewife someday.
posted by Leland J. Fischer at 12:28 AM
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