What's with your dog?

Your dog is such a prude! It only likes it when I pet it on the top of the head, back, and belly, but if I try to touch its paws, its ears, its tail, or its neck, it starts barking and nipping at me.
Listen here, dog! You're supposed to like being petted, and I resent the fact that you think I'm not good enough to touch your ears, and your owner is.
I'm all about having a right to personal space, but you are a dog. You are not entitled to the same liberties as humans. I'm sorry, you're just not. Who do you think you are, dog, that you can refuse affection? It's not like I'm trying to molest your naughty parts. I'm merely trying to pet you in all areas, not excluding any that sometimes get overlooked. Where is this behavior learned anyhow?
I think the celebrity dogs on dog-food commercials are setting bad examples. You know the ones I mean, where the animals get all this special treatment, like some kind of pet royalty, cushy pillows, and their gourmet meal gets served to them on a silver platter. As if that wasn't enough, these dogs get paid afterwards.
Meanwhile, your dog sits on the couch all day and watches this garbage on the TV in between shows on Animal Planet. Your dog hasn't been in commercials. Your dog hasn't done any modeling or voice-over work. Heck, your dog hasn't even written anything worthwhile. So, what does it have to show for this cuter-than-thou, I-only-like-to-be-touched-in-specific-areas attitude? Fine, dog, I will take my affections somewhere else. There are plenty of other dogs that would love the kind of attention I'm not giving to you anymore.