Positive Uses for Your Gut

In this day and age, health and fitness are becoming more and more of a trend and the continuing obesity rise is on the minds of everybody who is thinking about it. I myself am a subscriber to a health magazine, which explains to me all the intricate details of what foods to eat and what exercises to do to keep my body in perfect form and all my organs in working order. I am also currently on a recently-activated diet and exercise program, one that the summer usually brings out in me when I realize, "hey, I'm looking at these people, maybe it would be nice if they looked at me, too."
Besides the superficial effects of losing weight, though, I am also battling a family history of health problems, including namely diabetes, a fate which I would very much like to avoid because I love ice cream. When I looked down at some newfound stains on my shirt, I was reminded that I was not quite there yet. Rather than give up hope, however, I thought to myself, "hey, it's not all that bad, this bulbous torso of mine has gotten me a lot of places in my day," so I continued to appreciate it throughout the day.
So then I thought to myself, before you lose it use it! There are lots of good things a gut can be used for aside from the obvious downsides. If you are on a weight-loss quest such as myself, remember that it doesn't happen overnight, and if you get discouraged noticing your gut halfway through, don't forget before you give it up that that gut is useful in a lot of ways.
For instance, having a gut is great for when you are carrying things to and fro. A gut is a very nice place to set heavy objects while you are carrying them from one place to another. It can really assist your arms in this measure. Let's say you are moving a cinder block somewhere and you have to use two arms to carry it, but you have to go a long distance, like from inside to outside. You can use your arms and place the edge of the cinder block on your protruding gut and relieve some of the stress from your triceps and shoulders. Obviously, your arms still have to do most of the work, otherwise you are going to drop the cinder block or worse, you are going to give yourself a hernia trying to make your stomach lift a cinder block, which I assure you, will only hinder your weight-loss scheme. The gut works great in this scenario. It is even better if you have to open a door or do some other minimal task while you are carrying something bulky and cumbersome. It almost acts as a third arm! Very beneficial. I use my gut for this purpose often. When I have a littler gut, it will make me sad that I am not able to perform this more efficiently. But, alas, the health benefits outweigh the helpful moving benefits.
Get it? Outweigh?! Ha, ha. Brilliant!
Having a gut also serves as a great canvas for one to display works of art or witty phrases or pictures of cartoon characters in compromising positions via the always-appropriate form of media that is the T-shirt. I also employ this technique often. It's great because when you catch somebody looking at your T-shirt trying to read it, you can take that opportunity to really stretch is out across your belly and exercise its full potential, which always gets your important message across.
Having a gut, depending on how big it is, is also great at warding off unwanted attention from potential suitors of the opposite sex. He or she might notice you have a little pudge and still find you attractive. It might be necessary to stick it out there a little bit more if you are not interested in this person. If they continue to approach you and you would really rather avoid all contact, don't be afraid to show a little skin; just flash that belly directly in their eyes and they will directly turn and run. That example is a little extreme, but it is certain to work under the right circumstances.
A gut is useful in case you should fall down in a forwards motion. It provides an extra cushion before that inevitable bump on the forehead. It does, however, in the case of a belly-flop in a pool, mean more pain.
There are benefits to a gut that do involve other people, as well. For instance, if you happen to already have a partner who is not warded off by your pudge, the gut can provide its uses for him or her, too. If the belly-owner is lying down, the belly provides a wonderful make-shift pillow for the other person in this couple, and it provides a level of non-sexual intimacy that many couples forget about. It does, however, make for a bit of an awkward position, as it puts the two of you in a T-formation, unless, of course, you have a lot of space to work with.
The belly is also great for couples standing upright. Say, for instance, the couple is made up of a belly-ridden man and a bosomy woman. When these two embrace, their intimacy goes even further by providing something of a puzzle-piece interlocking fit. And if they are a sexually intimate couple, this equals more skin-on-skin contact.
So, you see, there are lots of already-existing uses for a belly or a gut, and there are probably even more waiting to be discovered. You just have to use your know-how, your gumption, and your gut, to find them. If you have any other ideas for the good uses of your gut, feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments department. If you do have a gut, you should probably make an attempt to get rid of it. My magazine talks about non-Hodgkins lymphoma, a new killer that is rising in belly-owning men. If you don't ultimately get rid of your belly, the effort will at least make you a healthier person, and probably help you live longer. But remember, before you lose it, use it!